NiuRouMian! and our Challengu (challenge) :p

I love foods!! even lately i lost my appetite to eat, but still i love foods..
and one of my favorite food here is Niuromian, well..i don’t know whether i spell it correctly or not, but this is Taiwanese food which mean beef noodle, and i love it so..add some spoons of spicy, it will be just great for me..
In many times i go out with Leo to find food, when he asks “what d you want” many times i just say “Niuromian” and we went to many places to try it (i love him more, because he loves niuromian, he loves many foods the same as me)

And the interesting part i have about niuromian is my “challenge” with Leo . We have many stupid things and bets, and another stupid thing we have currently is to have everyday lunch with Niuromian, until one of us forfeit and say “i give up..i don’t want to eat any niuromian again in my life”hehe..

so there we go, we have niuromian for every lunch of ours.

We start it in Taipe Main Station Food court after he asked the information about his ticket to go back to Argentina, it was good, he has 92 score for them..

The second day, we tried it in the same food court but different restaurants..mine was good, his was kinda tasteless..

The third day, we went to my favorite ever Niuromian in Yongkang St..and he has 95 point for them..but really, trust me, this restaurant has the best Niuromian, has color, salty (well..you have to know that Taiwanese, in general doesn’t put salt inside the food, so kinda tasteless), good meat, good spicy (hehe..this is special criteria for me), in overall: it’s tasty!!

And today..was the most our stupid moment in hunting Niuromian, we went to the place i went before sometimes ago, and unfortunately i couldn’t recall how to get there, so by calling a local friend we tried to find the place, walking for more than 30 mins lost in one street to another street, we couldn’t find it still, and gave up and said to eat any Niuromian we saw, and so strange, weird but lucky when we just found a niuromian restaurant and i just almost screamed..“this is..this is the place that we are looking for” hehe..we found the place by accident when we were giving up to find, and thank God it was good, after all way long we went through to find, would be too pity if it’s not good..well.. 85 point for it

Tomorrow? (or it’s today) we will have kinda rush schedule, I have presentation, and we will have performance for the MBA farewell party..so kinda need preparation of course..but no matter what, we will eat the Niuromian..no matter how, even it’s the sh*t niuromian in campus canteen, anywhere, as long as it’s niuromian
Go Niuromian!!

I speak through silent..

What kinda person am I?
Maybe some of you will say that i am such extrovert and expression one, that’s true..
But..
I tell you one thing, you got to know me more and closer to know that i am not as extrovert as people always think when they know me in a glance
I can communicate a lot for many things, but find difficulty to explain my feeling, to let people know what i truly feel inside in word
Only my best know through my expression and body language that i feel about something, but no even a word comes out my lips, especially if it’s something about “feeling” (again it’s difficult for me to explain)
No..if it hurts the people i care about..
No..if it makes me look weak and stupid
even at the end i realize i’m the one who hurts for keeping it inside..
but still i cannot say it..not even a word..
I may express my feeling through the songs i sing, through the post i write, through the tears i have, or through the silent in me
but never hope me to give you such a direct word for what i deeply feel for something
my best friend said, i’m f*cking engineer, cannot explain the feeling but express it, me? of course i would say..it’s feeling, to be expressed, not explain..

ahh..it maybe just a conflict between me and my pride..

-freaking dawn and still i can’t close my eyes

blank..

For you will never really find me..but my smiley face..

-the perfectly extrovert and freaking introvert me-

Smart for me….

I love and admire the smart people..who doesn’t anyway..
I am addicted to the smartness..again, who doesn’t anyway?
But, for me…really..you can be standard, or just so so..not so good looking, but can be so hot for me if you’re smart (haha..that’s the easier way to explain how i’m addicted to the smartness)

Like the other day, i had a crush with a boy..well..my best friend said he’s hot..but i said he’s nothing, because..yeah..you can guess..he’s not smart at all..never got what i say, no idea when we had conversation..and kept admiring me only, without showing he had something to be admired..see? you can be so hot but nothing for me if you’re not smart
in the other side…i do easily say “i love him” or “i love her” simply from the way they’re confidence in communicating something

and let’s see how’s smart for me..
i’m not talking about something academic, but it’s something personality..
you are smart if you are open minded
you are smart if you are responsible
you are smart if you are not lazy
you are smart if you are confidence with yourself, love yourself as the way you are
you are smart if you have your own opinion, your own hobby and like,do not merely follow others in order to please them
you are smart if you are not busy copying someone else style
you are smart if you don’t need to attach someone else to feel comfort..if you can even feel comfort with yourself when you have your “you time”

well..there are many others things..but see..those simple things above..every body can be smart if we want to
be positive and be smart

-written in tired talking with someone-

Me and my pride

Because
“It’s something untold..something unsung..something unshared
yeah..my pride..it’s my pride, it is just too..let’s say ‘expensive’ “

help me to breakdown this wall and pull me through..
when a confession is such terribly torture
…
…
desperate……

-crazy by a chat with my brother-

I’m super girl, and i just miss being me..

I got frustrated with myself..yeah..damn hell me then..
everything goes wrong with me lately, like tonight…

1. I left my friend’s apartment and left my wallet there, and realized when i was about entering the MRT station, meant: i needed my card to enter, which’s of course i couldn’t find it since it’s in my wallet, so i needed to buy coin but of course i couldn’t since all my money are in wallet
Frustrated i called him to go back to the place we left each other to give me some money, and of course he cursed me for he had to give all money in his pocket to me while he was having dinner appointment with friend, meant, he would have to ask the friend to pay the meal
2. No idea what in my mind was, i took the wrong train and didn’t realize until i arrived in the wrong station, while i was having dinner appointment with Leo which was waiting for me in cursing of my stupidity too
3. i lost my train’s coin in i don’t know somewhere, and of course i couldn’t get out the station and i bought new coin for it..damn hell

And now..i’m staring my laptop, updating my CV, but again got frustrated because i totally forgot my Linked in password, i even forgot my tweeter, also my gmail password..and ohh yea i also realized i even forgot my Indonesian cellphone’s number..my IM3 number..i forgot it..can you believe it?? gosh….
what d hell with me?

One says i’m in love (ohhh…i wish)
the other one says i’m in deep stress (ohh..damn hell)
if two closest men of mine give such different opinion, well..such totally opposite opinions, and me, the subject, doesn’t even understand what’s wrong with me..what should i do then..of course i say “none of you are right”..and of course each of them insists they are right, for they think the know me best

i got dizzy..i can’t sleep..and i can’t poo..i’m dizzy..
what i’m doing? i listen to this song out loud “yes..i’m strong, i’m super girl and i just miss being me”
the songs maybe not exactly the same i feel, but i do miss being me

It’s not suppose to feel
It’s not suppose to be like this
I’m not what I used to be
I feel that I can’t breathe
I feel that I can’t be my self
Strong when I’m alone

I’d try to get you out of my mind
& manytimes I try to step on the ground
but shape of you, taste of you, smell of you
Spinning in my head..
Goin crazy just because of you!!

Take me out of here!!!!, take me out of here!!!!
I’m not my self, not I used to be
Yes I am Strong, I wanna be a supergirl
Well,.. I just miss being me..

So long, I’ve blame my self dreamin’ ’bout you..
I don’t want to stop, cause I hate to be alone
Just tell me where you are

I’m looking for you at manyplace
Never bored asking people ’bout where you are
Hey!! Don’t you dare treat me me like you don’t know me
Now you’re out of my world, don’t know where to find you

Take me out of here!!!!, take me out of here!!!!
I’m not my self, not I used to be
Yes I am Strong, I must be a supergirl
Well,.. I just miss being..

OOO ooo that strong little girl, noo..
Don’t wanna be alone

You control me, you control me ooooo.
You control me, you control me.

The way you are, makes me don’t wanna go, won’t be alone anymore

Jar of Hearts

There are sometimes that the song just rhymes so right
rhymes so true
rhymes so damn perfect
Like this song, and i (of course) overheard to it..
Cannot help myself to listen like 20 times a day
Cannot help myself to imagine, if i could have a chance to sing it over someone face, yeah i have perfect imagination..
“Who do you think you are” -rolling my eyes, and waving my annoying hand-

Anyway..enjoy Jar of Hearts by Christina Perry, but i do also love the cover from a lil girl, Maddi Jane

I know I can’t take one more step towards you
Cause all that’s waiting is regret
And don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore?
You lost the love
I loved the most

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And I learned to live, half-alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are?

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin’ round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

my syndrome

Super dizzy and weak
hardly open my eyes
stomach ache, feels like mike tyson punch my belly
nausea but somehow couldn’t vomit
hate everyone and every thing seems just wrong
easily get depressed and sad, cry mode is so on

that’s my periods syndrome, the most terrible time of being me
and the only thing i love is chocolate and my bed, so better you stay away

so cheesy..so trouble

Ask me about my favorite food? Spicy food..for sure..it’s absolutely, all my friends and people around me know about it
But there’s something else that I am crazy for, cheese!
Cheese stick, the fried flour with cheese inside, it cannot be not good, it cannot be wrong
Potato with cheese, of course it’s impossible for not good
Empanada with cheese inside is perfect
Cheese…cheese and cheese..tell me what can be wrong with the delicious thing
Simply i can say, I love cheese

But I do have something wrong with cheese, a big..a big problem with it..constipated!!!
During the spring break vacation, i and Leo eat cheese everyday, and i had like 2 days constipation, but was tolerable for me, until last wednesday a friend of mine brought some cheese, leo did so, and impossible for me not to eat, when leo warned me, i just said “let it beeee…”
and guess what, I’ve got constipated like 4 days, 4days couldn’t poo (sorry guys..) and it was so troublesome for me, my belly was like 2 months pregnant, cannot eat a lot (for 4 spoons I got full already),
I did eat, drink anything suggested, and my best friend searched many things in google, we did those, but no result: medicine from Leo, 2lt of yogurt, 1.5 lt of grape juice, bag of fruit, cups of herbalife tea, bottle of beer…we really did everything, and every time I took something I spent like 10 minute fought in toilet and my best friend, he screamed from outside toilet “did you make i?”but all I could answer was “no ”

And got frustrated we went out to the pharmacy next to his apartment and found a pack of medicine, the one that for me look like an anti mosquito powder

Gosh..and all I’m doing now, is just staring the pack medicine and wishing “I have to make it!”

So..so cheesy..so trouble, and I’m really..really missing my toilet

Wonderful time with friends, sublimely beautiful nature, and the terribly pain

what could be the best for spending weekend?? trip with best friends
and what could be the success of your life? reaching the point that you went through with all pain..
hehe..i got them all last weekend

We, me..and my best friends went to the trip outside Taipe
Renting the car, we left Taipe on Saturday around 11 am with the car full of baggage and foods for sure, talked this and that, we stopped at Sun Moon Lake to have lunch and arrived in Qingjing farm around 5 and directly went to the hotel that we booked one day before, the hotel is nice, and i think affordable enough (3800NT for 4 persons room)
We did really enjoy the day, had rest for a while, got the dinner in such a silent mountain, and played mah jang and dice til late at night with drinking wine and make up face as the bet..everything was so nice, until we found problem when we slept..haha..don’t ask me how was it, because almost all night long i couldn’t sleep at all, for one of us snored like a machine…so next day in the early morning i did the revenge by singing out loud while i was taking shower and everyone else was sleeping baby

Got the breakfast from Hotel, we left to continue the journey, the top of the mountain, Hehuan shan, around 9 and arrived to the last point, where car can access, around 10
And that’s it the tragedy began for me, i fell something weird with my ear, I knew it was because of the height, but ignoring the pain, i just went up with others and even started felling even worse in the first 100m, and in distance 1km I said “i give up”.It was terribly hurt, fell like thousands bee came into my ear, couldn’t listen clearly, got nausea, i even put my finger inside my mouth to make me vomit and feel relieve but it didn’t work somehow, but no one let me give up and i kept begging them to leave me there, and let me wait them there, but none of them do, they waited for me and said that i would make it, olvin gave me his jacket, earphone, water, and sat with me in every 50m move, said anything and did anything to make me relax and relieve, so terrible..and the higher, the more terrible i fell and i started to lose my balance

Took like 3 hours, finally we reached the peak..3420M. You cannot imagine how great i fell at that time, and i told them that i would put this experience as the most success in my life..reaching the peak, top of the mountain, with an ear almost exploded, nose fell like swollen..such terrible pain
An amazing view, over the cloud, fell like in heaven..

well..was unforgettable moment for me, but clearly..no mountain for me and my broken ear (and i keep thinking what about my other hobbies, snorkeling, and diving (((( )

and now, sitting in a sleepy and boring make up class on Saturday afternoon make me realize how great last week was could there be any more boring moment than a boring make up boring (again)class on Saturday? -sigh-

Taiwan’s Doomsday (101 5/11)

Have you heard about the Taiwan’s doomsday which was predicted by someone on last May 11?
It was really funny moment for me, since at that time there were a lot of posts mentioned about it, and kinda stupid media and conversation for me to see some people somehow worry about that. com’on..predicting the earthquake exactly in hour minute and second, the tallest building would fall down, the island would be separated and shrunk, isn’t it too much for you?? for me? of course it’s too much, i have my own belief and faith towards on the end of the world.

And reacting to such an exaggerated rumors, my craziest friend, my best partner in crime (you will see him later in the video :p)asked me to go to 101, and we made jokes like if something really happened we would die in epic,died in the 2nd world tallest buiding or if something happened and we saved we could be rich by selling the record of the doomsday (haha..how come you’d be saved if it was really doomsday? ), realizing that i could have died with him is somehow made me sad..him?? gosh that would be the death of two loveless – best friends :p

well..don’t wanna too much talking, enjoy the video that we recored at that time, the video that we record in waiting for the death ;p (yeaah..to die is really not easy)

short brief about the situation at that time:
1. i expected that 101 was supposed to be so crowded for people would have had been so excited, but it was so “empty” more silent that it’s used to be..why?? were people afraid? haha..just guess by your self
2. we don’d die there, yeah it’s not easy to die, and instead of dying we had photo session, of course i am the model :p

Tell me if there’s a wise word for it

Anger eats your soul, yes it does, some wise people say that you will lose when you let the anger conquer you for you’re the one who feel sorrow about it
But there are some stages when you will feel like no wise words gonna stop the anger you feel, more over in a situation you can do nothing because a condition make you to, and how you feel suffer for you cannot protect the one you love most
Tell me if there’s a wise word for it
I am angry and i do really want to do all the things that i couldn’t imagine before, to such terrible revenge, and let’s prepare the pay off for that

I mean it..for my head is like going to explode for the anger

Emosi Jiwa!

I’m such emotional person, i do realize it, and many times when i’m so angry, and couldn’t find any way to express i would write such harsh and rude words to express..so what?
and i am really in the mood of eating someone alive (i mean it!!)..and scream all the words over her stupid face

What do you expect?
If you thought that i would just shut up my mouth to see you hurt persons i love most, forget it..it’s not gonna happen, even in your dream
For i’m rather to die than letting you hurt them
And if you wish an apologize comes out their mouth, stop your stupid dream, they will not, for us will never let them put themselves down for worthless thing, like you

All the things that you may deserve to expect just wait for me..
it’s not that i don’t believe in love or peace resolution, but i do chose not to, and you know how capable i am to cut you into pieces..and make you suffer

Never ever hurt them or i’ll make even worse and terrible revenge to you, the one who even a b*tch tag just sounds too good..

and i would love to know you read this
-written in anger and don’t know how to express but in words-

I miss and love you more than any word can say

Woke up in sobbing today of such terribly homesick feeling,
It may sound so silly for some people, but i don’t care, i know how i am, i’m proud of the capable me in many things, and sure i’m happy to be independent girl and i know yes i am, so when the homesick comes i would just never deny it..there’s nothing to be ashamed about loving and missing my family, and i always say i know i cry but i’m not fragile..

Like today, this morning when i just let all the tears flow over my face, and the hurt deep inside my heart while Luther Vandross’ voice’s repeated and repeated again through my lap top with his “dance with my father again”, Staring the calendar and realized that it’s been 9 years lived separate from them, and next June the 1st would be the 8th year that i’d be not around for celebrating the most precious man in the world -my father’s- birthday..and i just don’t know how to express how much i love him, for words seem just not enough to express, and i couldn’t do anything but dying missing his hug, missing his hand over my hair, and how tender he look at me
Feel so weak and nothing can be done unless I pray for him, for them even more than me..please be well..please be healthy and give me more..and more time to make you happy and give proud and smile on your gorgeous face

me, who is always proud to be your girl..

over jealousy = stupid idiot…

Until which stage are you gonna sacrifice yourself to satisfy the one you love?
Until which stage would you prefer being sorrow losing the really you are to fit with the one you love?
And until which stage are you gonna lock yourself in jail because your couple gets jealous of you???
I am in very anxious moment of questioning all those things in my mind, it’s just out of my logic and my heart, I bet i know how to love, or at least i bet i have ever been so madly deeply in loving someone, but I really really don’t understand with the one who loses the faith of being his/ her self in the name of love
The one who threw away all his pride and life for woman
The one who even abandons the parents for woman

and in this stage of course i will ask, is it love if you got to be the one who you are not?
is it love if it is worse for you, for your family, for universe
for as far as i know, love is when you can accept the one you love as the way he or she is, trusting even when it’s difficult, accept all the good and the bad thing, and make you to be e better one
not changing the you really are, never trust you in any good things you do, and accept you only in a good moment in your life, and change you into brainless zombie
and sorry to say that the over jealousy, for me is just symbol of how stupid you are, symbol of how you cannot appreciate the one you love as someone trustful, and even worse it means that you cannot value yourself to be loved

Ohh..gosh..i’m over frustrated
how bad i want to scream this over someone face
“I thought we’re not only chained by the blood, i thought that we are chained also by the thing called love”
“I thought we are bounded with emotionally feeling as a brother and sister”
“and yes i’m missing the you who cared to family, i’m missing you who took care mom more than anyone of us, i’m missing all the time we shared together in laugh and tears, i’m missing the time when we’re under the same blanket watching television, i’m missing to sleep in your arm, i’m missing to kick you when you farted over my face”
“i miss the really you..i miss the one i knew and i loved..i miss the happy you were”

and i think i lost him already..
and i’m over frustrated to get knowing the new he is..
sorry..don’t blame me if i lose all my faith in him
sorry..don’t ever ask me to appreciate his choice
for i will never be able to..
just don’t change my mind that love is not something good..that love is just a bunch of shit
and i’m frustrated…over frustrated

‘re not my passwords anymore..

I got all my passwords changed..ATM, online banking, social accounts, almost all (well..almost all, because my Indonesian accounts can not be changed from here)

Maybe it just sounds simple and nothing..but it really means something for me
Erasing all the past, the past that somehow were still attached to me
My friend made me..he forced me to..asked me to..for my own good…i know
and yes it is..damn symbolization and fell better afterwards

speechless

Had a short chit chat with a class mate about marriage, and something stroked me bad when he said “but..if you want to learn from my experience..at the same time i realized that “i’m ready and i need it”, at the same time i also realized that it’s just too late already”

-speechless-

they, you and i..yes we are different, so??

I’m kinda person who love to debate and argue, yeah..i bet most of my best friends know it well, But don’t be misinterpreted, i argue but not attacking, i debate not to put my rights to someone’s else mind, but i argue to even understand more someone’s else opinion and how to see whether my thought is accepted by other or not, and i think i’m fair and supportive enough to accept once my opinion is not suitable for others.

But there are some debate topics that i hate with all my heart(i love to discuss about..but no debate and argue),like religion topic, topic in people opinion about free sex life style, topic in accepting differences between us, to appreciate other rights as their rights without judging whether it’s right or not.

Living in such heterogeneousness environment with people and friends from some different countries all over the world with various cultural background and the way of thinking is fascinating me in many many ways, and frustrated in many ways tough. Because, really..sometimes it’s not easy to understand the way people think and principal life that they have for their life, and it’s even more difficult to explain our ways of thinking which is absolutely opposite of theirs. in this case, having ability to understand others is absolutely not enough, because there will be a part of your identity part of your society needs to be accepted. and once this thing happen, realize it or not, we will be so defense to it, and lead us into frustration :p
Learning from all those i would just love to say, that people have their own believe and right about something, and if the believe and the right make them a better person, and happy!
Why should we complain about it??
why should we bother to argue it’s good or not for us??
Again..putting someone else shoes on our feet sometime won’t fit at all..
Live in empathic to others, accept that each of us has different way of thinking without thinking that our idealism and our way of thinking is better will make life easy and wonderful

I’m fine with my right
you might be better with your right
and let’s live happily and peacefully with all those wonderful colors

keep our mind open!!

stupid time of me…

Don’t ask me what’s going on with me lately, for i couldn’t explain either..it’s like i’m so..so..easily going to burst into pieces and tears, the things that i used to experience most during my periods (ffhh..) but it’s not, it’s not the time
I just feel so fragile, and i hate it..i’m just used to be too strong, and this kinda stupid feeling of course make me uncomfortable

even such a joke hurts me
stupid movie seems like taking all my energy
and i’m turning to a lazy zombie mode
it’s not that i don’t appreciate all the hugs and cares i’ve got, or all those chocolate and ice cream

but for sure i’ll be back soon
just gimme some time of being stupid me…( i hate..but i just need it)