Equality for me…

Working on my speech assignment for one of class about the oral presentation, I research some fact and data about women, because my topic for that speech is something that i am concern and interested about..about the equality..well..i prefer to call it smart equality between men and women, the career for women, and i found a classic proverb, but somehow always interesting for me:

Woman was created from the rib of man.
She was not made from his head to be above him,
nor was she made from his feet to be trampled on.
She was created out of his side to equal him,
under his arm to be protected by him
and near his heart to be loved.

I love the proverb..and somehow..just sounds so rhyme to me

Thread me equally,

Don’t give the stick to me..because once i’m in front, i may be too busy with myself and my own world, and suddenly just forget about you.

But..once you leave me..i will never force myself to run after you..my pride doesn’t let me to..
If you want to speed up..just tell me, take my hand..i’ll speed up myself to be by your side. you know that i am capable to..
Leaving me behind without a word is a waving goodbye to me..because i’m just a kinda too sensitive person, i will never beg for acceptance of my existence, i will just keep quite and turn my way out of your reach, even before you realize it.

I am selfish and difficult? i guess so..that’s the way how i protect my pride and dignity, and i know some people just can see me speechless..

-Tina-

in her mess and sleepy time, Taipe 2.21 am

Sensing the heartache…

People say, there are many things that can’t be solved by logic, nor sense..let’s say like feeling and heartache
But…
There are sometimes that we do really want to sense it, just to make it reasonable and easier to deal with..don’t you?
because i do..I am trying to sense how the heartache come up..i even make the research what the hormones involve into, scientifically reasons behind the heartbreak, and tears.. and this explanation sounds make sense for me

But..again..somehow..there many things unsolved
somebody tell me please..
why such simple words, which sometimes i know are not meant to hurt could make something spread from inside my chest, choke up my throat and send tears to my eyes..and i have to fight to have a bit cough to clear my throat , blink my eyes to wipe the tears away..and needs minutes to make it feels lighter and accept it that way..
If it does work, it may just leaves kind of hurt breathless, but the worst if it doesn’t work, it disturbs my mood, and leave some mark inside..

somebody tell me why…
somebody tell me, what things spread out from the chest, how to stop it..so i can stop hitting my own chest
I’m just too old to deal with…

And i really hate myself when such simple words and jokes even drive me to burst into tears..

perfection of the imperfect you…

What’s so special of being perfect? i rather say it’s boring…
But it doesn’t mean we let our self be stupid…
Stupid when we try to copy someone’s style
stupid when we live in shadow of someone’s wanna be
stupid when we drag ouself into who we are not just because we want to get acceptance of who we are not

Again, ask me what is the most insanity and idiotic people can do..i would absolutely answer, of not being yourself, or being copycat of someone else…

We are unique as ourself, the imperfection that we have even makes life colorful, it is beautiful, lovable, . They show our personality, of what we really are, they make us communicate in dealing and matching things with others..

stay what you are..stop being stupid copycat..
you are you..
you with your name
you with your face
you with your attitude
is just you
and that’s the perfect for me

Tina
in stage of being sick with the ‘copycater’
and sorry guys, i don’t deal with those people..ignoring is the best way i can do

you win over me..

I know, i’m mean
I’m not only being mean to people…
but the worst thing is i am also being so mean to myself, with consequences that sometimes make me cry inside or regret it a lot..but anyway..i just can do nothing..
all the things i know, there’s someone win over this all…
someone who i’ve been dealing with for like whole of my life, especially in the last 3 years..

Someone who keeps whispering

stay flat, put that smile on
don’t cry..don’t get into deep

thank you, and i win
sincerely yours,
-my pride-

(un)foretunately I am

Some people are good in covering emotion, and I guess, sometimes I am, I know, people think i’m just kinda outgoing people who is easily getting a long with something, and my emotion fluctuation, some people say, is just something easy to see from my expression and what i do and sing , that’s true..but the truth is, I’m not always that simple, there are many times, i can laugh while hiding things, or look okay and happy when I am not..But i tell you, there is one thing that i can never fake; treating people..i just can’t fake my attitude to people, i can’t pretend being nice to people if i know i just don’t like them

And (un)fortunately i never try to pretend about any any thing who i am not, i can’t be nice when i don’t like, all the best or maybe worst thing i can do is ignoring..yes, one more thing i realize recently, how i develop my ignorance level to something that even surprises myself. For me, when things are still worth to fight, no matter how it cost and how it hurts i will just fight for it, communicate, explain, and get apology once i am wrong..but, if i know my level of tolerance reach to the limit, i even stop my anger, and put those things into really nothing, and i just act it as really..really nothing, totally ignore

But look..listen, i don’t do it for no reason, i’m not kind of person who change the mood without any reason, there must be a reason, and when i don’t spell it out is just i don’t want to make something become awkward or i just feel that it’s just not worthy enough to receive my explanation..

What can I say…being me is this, i never pretend to be everybody’s favorite, everybody can hate me for any reason that they have, but, i tell you that the reason is never because i am stupid, because i know, i am not..i’m difficult person, i never demand for something perfect, but anyhow, i hate someone stupid..I know my movement, my ignorance, many times hurt people, but trust me..me, myself is sensitive person, so i know when I do wrong. Once i do wrong, i will really come for an apology, but once i know i am not wrong, i will just stay still and ‘enjoy’ how things run around..I just can’t fake myself, and sometimes, when thing is scratched, it may be healed, but somehow the mark is just there still…

mmmm.. I am stubborn.. yes i am

Let me be..

I don’t think that I am becoming over sensitive to everything thus easily burst into anger
I am always sensitive, it’s just the matter how i’ve been covering those all
and this is one of those days, when all i wanna do is just screaming out all the fucking damn cursing words in my mind, let me be..let me be someone normal, wouldn’t that be okay? anyway why should i care whether it’s okay or not okay..just let me be, when my okay means it’s hurt, when my nothing means something, and my back is my hide-away..let me be, because this smile doesn’t always suit on me!

Tina
-yearn for mom’s hug-

Nothing..bla..bla..

Though i said “hello..again” on my last post, but anyway it wasn’t really “hello”, been a while i don’t post any here..
and now, seeing my last post date even makes me more frustrated, how come for a person who express feeling better in words and writing have no time to write..

Busy for having 8 classes, 9 to attend actually, new challenge trying all the foods in Gongguan, but anyway, again, i haven’t done any review for weeks, having classic trouble with my stomach and now it reaches into point of full-for-4spoons, and nausea afterward, having some trips outside Taipe for i think i’m done with Taipe and around.

Mm..sounds nothing new interesting, but trust me..i have interesting days, some are in laughter, some boring,some in anger like now on
I am angry, just give me sometimes to calm down, and find myself back